Waste
by mockingjayde
Summary: One-shot of Lia and Cassie at the mall. Lia starves and Cassie purges, Wintergirls in action.


A/N: Hey guys, it's been a while! This is a one-shot scene of Lia and Cassie at the mall. I remember in the novel, it mentioned how Lia would watch the door while Cassie would vomit. So I kind of went off that! Anyway, I don't own Wintergirls. Laurie Halse Anderson does. c:

Oh, and words underlined are supposed to be strike-through. But FF doesn't have that so..

enjoy!

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"Lia-Lia. Look at you. Tell me darling, how do you function? I mean, I get it. The whole euphoric-state you get when starving, but you've been doing this for _years_ now. How are you even able to operate?"

Cassie talks to me through chews. She picks up a group of fries, swirls them in ketchup, and then shovels them into her motor-running mouth. Chew, chew, chew. When she pulls her hand away, I see the heavy coat of grease on her fingers. I can easily do the calculations in my head. About 500 calories, 25 grams of fat, and at least 70 grams of carbs for just the fries alone. This doesn't even count the two cheeseburgers and milk-shake she already consumed. Disgusting.

I should throw away my coffee. I should race Cassie around the mall. I should do jumping jacks in the fitting room.

::Fat/ugly/waste of space/fat/bloated/whale

hungry/undeserving/bitch/fat/starve::

The smell of fast-food is making my head ache.

"Are you almost done? I thought you needed a dress for Dana's party." The smell is starting to craze me. French fries, hamburgers, burritos. All foods that I'd never allow into my body. Chicken nuggets, ice cream, freshly baked cookies, pretzels.

Cassie shoves the remaining fries into her mouth. She crinkles her two burger wrappers into balls and tosses them onto the plastic tray. "Hold on, Lia," she says standing up. I follow her to the garbage can and toss my half-drunken coffee as well. "We're not quite done here."

Cassie makes way to the bathroom. We walk past swarms of people, and I can't help thinking, _do they know_? Do they know what she's about to do? And if they are observant enough to figure it out, would they try to stop her?

I bet moms with pasts, or teens in recovery identify themselves in Cassie. And in me, too. Two best friends, Anorexia and Bulimia, walking side by side.

Why don't _I_ ever try to stop her?

In the bathroom, Cassie picks the stall farthest from the door- the one that's meant for handicapped or chaired people to use. There's a few women in the bathroom, a lady changing her baby's diaper, a little African-American girl washing her hands. The little girl smiles at me and tells me she likes my shirt. I tell her thanks and she dries her hands. She sings to herself as she skips out of the bathroom, her braided pigtails swiftly bouncing behind her.

"Lia?"

"Cass," I poke my head under her door. "What?"

"Did the little girl leave?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. Okay. Guard the door for me, please."

Seconds and minutes trickle by. Tick tock, tick tock. From an outsider's perspective, you wouldn't know what was going on through the door behind me. Cassie has long since mastered the silent purge-no heaving, no wrenching noises. The only audible sound is the chunks of bile and undigested food hitting the toilet bowl. But there's too much commotion in the small bathroom to pinpoint that today. Sometimes, on other days when it's quiet, I'd hit the ON button on automatic hand dryers. Or, I'd fake phone calls to Emma or something. Anything to block out the uneasy sound of Cassie's purging.

My knees buckle. Standing up becomes the hardest thing in the world.

One day, there was a girl in the stall next to Cassie who was purging as well.

::weak/useless/waste/fat/dead::

"LIA! Move!" Cassie shoves me out of the way and emerges from the stall. She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. "Wake up, Lia-Lia. You okay? Do you need some water? Or food? I bet your blood sugar is wicked low."

Yes it is Cassie please force me to eat "No, I had Splenda in my coffee. I'm fine."

She huffs and removes the elastic from her hair. Dark red curtains fall over her shoulders as she examines herself in the mirror. "So I take it I'm driving home, darling?"

I flashback to those few months ago, the accident that landed me in Hell New Seasons for the first time. I hand her my car keys. "Yeah, Dad and Jennifer will slay me if I get in another accident."

Cassie lets out a low laugh. "But on second thought, I could use new rims for my car."

Managing a forced chuckle, we leave the bathroom. You can't smell the vomit on Cassie's body. You can't see my ribcage through my sweatshirt. You can't see the demons inside our heads.

Cassie and I walk on infinity, dodging the inevitable future ahead of us.

"Lia-Lia," Cassie murmurs, pinching my side, "let's go show this mall who really owns it, shall we?"

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A/N: akdfjasjdf I seriously love this book. It's the best. Triggering, but amazing.

thanks for reading! i'd love it if you reviewed as well. c:


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